How Do I Forgive Myself


The short answer is: when you get over your bout of emotions and stop resenting having to see your own wrong.
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When you can look at your own behavior rationally and without resentment, you will be able to calmly admit any error you might have made.
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Then you will be able to do as it says in the prayer:
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God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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Until you can look calmly at your part in what went wrong, any mea culpas or self blame are mostly crocodile tears. For the most part, our confessions and self flagellation are just another ego trip. In other words, our sorrow is not sincere. Truthfully, what we don't like is being found out.
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Most people have a big ego, and we resent having to admit our own wrong. We resent even more having to observe our wrong or have others see it.
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One person will beat himself up for missing a golf putt. Another will get upset at herself for burning one of her party dishes. Another will resent himself for having used a bad word. Another will get angry at herself for not getting an A on a test.
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Yet, none of these things are "wrong." Just a normal human mistakes (no one is perfect!), or perhaps a little foolish--but not wrong.
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Yet a person can judge (and not forgive) himself or herself over them. It often stems from struggling with trips and negative suggestions that were layed on us when we were kids. I can tell you right now how to be free from them.
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Let go of resentment. Any resentment--whether of the comments, suggestions, toward yourself, of the other person--sustains the holde the past has over you.
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Let go of resentment. We all know we are supposed to be more forgiving. But no one has shown you how. I'm showing you how. Get our meditation (free to download and listen to), and practice standing back from thoughts and feelings.
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Then, with your new objective persepective, watch for resentment. When you see it rising, put a little distance between yourself and it, and let it pass (instead of indulging it).
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It is that simple.
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Can you see that being angry at oneself for anything (even netting a tennis serve) is the beginning of denial? It means that the person is unwilling to accept the truth. Blame, and self blame, are ways of avoiding just plain open eyed seeing of reality.
Blaming oneself is also a way of rising above conscience: as if we were God condemning ourselves. It's kind of silly really. It's prideful and self destructive.
Okay. So some of us have done some truly rotten things--like cheating. lying, stealing, and so on. Once again, blaming and judging and condemning oneself is just a way of saving pride. By proactively condemning ourselves, we can thus seemingly rise above conscience. This is really silly. And it is also harmful because we thereby block God's healing grace. So do me a big favor, and don't resent or condemn yourself anymore.
Let God deal with your sin. Let Him repent you in His own time and space. And if He doesn't, then just be sorry and go on with your life. Le the past go. Live from this moment on. You cannot change the past, but you can live properly from now on.
And if you mess up again today, then just see that you messed up. Say: "God, I can't keep brow beating myself. I messed up again. You are going to have to deal with me." No use crying crocodile tears for God or anyone else. Wash your face, comb your hair and do your duty.
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This is particularly true when someone cannot let go of something from the past. I can name at least two well known golf professionals who were bested at the end of a tournament or who missed what would have been the winning putt, and were never the same again. We've all known people who can't let go of something. We see that it is dysfunctional. We see that it is foolish and self destructive. Yet, most of us are guilty of not letting go of something.
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When we can't let go of something, it is because our ego takes it personally and is resentful. It just can't or won't admit the truth. Especially when accepting the truth means admitting something.
Often that something is some error or foolishness on our part that contributed to it; or something the past event means. As kids, we might have been rejected, missed out on opportunities, or lost something. So the past event might mean, for example, something like: "God hates me, I'm unlucky, I'm cursed, I can't get anything right, no matter how hard I try something always goes wrong. "
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It is important that we learn how to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, shrug our shoulders, and move on with our life. Letting it go means it is over, done, fini, the past is the past. Now, on with the show! Sometimes there is a lesson to be learned; if so, we learn the lesson and take our fall in stride.

But most of us harbor a grudge or something that sticks in our craw. Often what we don't want to admit or see is kind of true and kind of untrue at the same time.

For example, it may be true that the sports player choked and was overcome by nerves or negative programming; but on the other hand, it could just be the bounce of the ball. Besides it happens to everyone.

We can't always get the job, make the putt, sink the basket, win the match, get the job, or whatever. So we have to let it go.

Other times, what is sticking in our craw is totally untrue. It is not true that God hates us. Yet, for some people, when anything goes wrong, that's what it means to them.
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What is it that sustains the denial, the inability to let something go? In a nutshell, resentment.
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Resentment is the sustaining emotion. Let go of the resentment, and the suggestion (true or false, partially true, or partially false, whatever) will lose its sustaining force.
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Resentment means to feel again. We keep resenting because our ego is able to chew the cud, so to speak. We wallow in self loathing, self pity or mulling over the injustice. The emotion of resentment offers a bizarre negative comfort to our ego. It sustains pride, even when it means self destruction.
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Therefore, the answer to why can't I forgive myself boils down to seeing your resentment and being willing to give it up.

Most of us have been subjected to negative programming when we were younger: what people did, said, implied, or what we misinterpreted became something that we resented. And the resentment is now what is sustaining the negative programming.
Whenever a situation arises that reminds of something from the past that had a negative suggestion associated with it we make the mistake of resenting the memory, the suggestion or the circumstance.
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But please note: it is being resented in the present. And thus it comes to life in the present and colors the present.
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Therefore if you can resist the temptation to resent it, you will starve it of energy.
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Also note: it doesn't matter if you resent the idea, the memory, the situation, another person OR YOURSELF--any resentment keeps the programming going and takes away your freedom.
Let go of the resentment, and you will be free.
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And when the dominant negative idea no longer has you captive, you will be free to see the truth, realize understanding and compassion, see the big picture, and FORGIVE YOURSELF.

Now the somewhat longer answer. We can drop resentment, we can stop denying the truth or resenting what something means or what we think it means.
But in a broader sense, we cannot forgive ourselves. Only God can forgive each of us.
You see, conflict with conscience is really conflict with God. Being sorry before conscience means that God is making us aware of some error on our part. Being sorry in our heart is a wonderful blessed moment, because it means that God is repenting us.
Forgiving or not forgiving ourselves are just two sides of the egotistical coin. Yes, we are all born egotistical. But as we mature, we should begin to outgrow our selfishness. And for some people, the second half of life is a gradual turning to our Creator and seeking His good graces.
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While we are on the subject, let me also mention that we should not ask others to forgive us. It is good to apologize to another for some wrong we did them. It clears the air and makes it easy for them to drop any grudge against us. But if we say "Oh, can you ever forgive me?" we are casting them in the role of God and tempting them to play God.
If you did someone wrong, your responsibility to to admit your wrong, be sorry and apologize. But whether they forgive you or not is none of your concern. If they forgive you it is good for them. If they don't, too bad.
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God does not hate you if you did something wrong. What he wants is for you to admit it in your heart and quietly be sorry. This is between you and Him, between your soul and its Maker.
If you don't feel sorry for something, then just see that you don't feel sorry.
Don't cry crocodile tears and put on a show for God. Just live on as best you can and wait to be repented.Notice how I said it: wait to be repented. The inner light from God--what we know in our heart-- (which we call intuition or conscience) will make you aware of what you need to be aware of.
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Your only responsibility is to be willing to know the truth and be willing to admit you are wrong.
Who can forget the wonderful movie Robin Hood starring the dashing handsome Errol Flynn and the beautiful Olivia DeHavilland? While the good King Richard...........
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