The Secret To Managing Anger
Let's face it: 99.9% of us get angry too easily. We mask our anger with a smile, or perhaps we repress it and walk away. But we are angry. In fact, suppressed rage is one of the biggest emotional factors contributing to health issues.
Another thing we do is find a euphemism to describe our anger: we say we are "upset, nervous, tired, or disappointed." In marriage, years of suppressed anger can result in someone "suddenly" saying: "I need to find myself or I've changed. " What they really mean is I'm resentful. In other words, sadly, "I'm harboring secret hatred and judgment toward you."
Now let's get to the bottom line: if you have a problem with alcohol, drugs, food, or any other addiction, most likely it is a direct result of anger. How so?
When we are angry, we need something to distract us from the guilt and soothe our hurting and frustrated ego. We need something to take away the pent up hostility and drain us of tension.
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Some people work off their hostility (which has its own problems). Many turn to booze, drugs, marijuana, or food. You see, when we become angry and full of rage, we become an animal. The beautiful human qualities of graciousness, kindness, reasonableness, and magnanimity go out the window.
Some of us are even more sneaky about our anger. We are secretly judgmental and resentful at others (especially our husband or wife). Sometimes we are even clever at making the other wrong and then hating the other with a superior hate. It's easy to upset your husband with little teases, nagging, insinuation, or confusion. He eventually becomes angry and then you can secretly hate him, judging his anger and failing.
It's easy to be cruel to our children, blaming and dumping on them until they become angry and express their anger. Being without the advanced manipulative skill that the adult has, the child is foolish and clumsy in expressing his anger. This permits the parent to up the ante and punish the child.
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But anger, impatience, secret hostility and judgment bring condemnation from conscience. And conflict with conscience brings pain and a need for comfort. Again, the person turns for comfort to food , drugs, alcohol or anything else that will "save" them from conscience.
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I am trying to make you aware that anger is the result of resentment and judgmen. While it is true that your spouse or coworkers may be imperfect, even irritating, if you really had love, you would not resent them. The truly human person has patience. This patience comes from not having judged in the first place.
Someone once said that when we are wronged we cry out for judgment. But when we wrong another, we cry out for mercy. As long as you are angry or resentful, you won't even see your own rudeness and inconsideration toward others. You are too busy judging others to see your own fault.
Recovery from food, drug, or other addictions means seeing, really seeing why you needed the false comfort of drugs or the misuse of food in the first place. If you were not angry and upset in the first place, you would not need comfort and tension relief in the second place.
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And if you did not form secret judgments in the first place, you would not become angry in the second place. If you were not playing God, and easily frustrated and angered when your will is not done, you would not become tense and needy of lowly comforts.
The problem now is undoubtedly that your wrong self craves and cries out for the false comfort and false deliverance of lowly things we have mentioned. You have fallen to become a creature that now craves the drugs and false comforts.
Change begins not with struggling with your lower nature and its lowly needs, but being able to stand back so that you can be objective to the lower self. By now you know that struggling with your own lower self, using anger, is just more of the wrong way of dealing with things that got you in trouble in the first place.
But I'm not telling you anything that you didn't already know.
You know that anger and secret hostility, even suppressed rage, are the cause of your needing alcohol, drugs or some other comfort. But then your comfort becomes a problem!
The question is what to do about your anger. That's where I can help. I know that behind the anger is resentment. And also just being too upset.
Resentment is the number one cause of anger. And once you become resentful over something, then negative emotions follow. Soon, through conditioning, you become upset and easily upset all the time. Ulcer or headache anyone?
Like I said--usually there is a good reason to become resentful in the first place, and angry. It is injustice. Beginning when you are a little kids, there are people pressuring you, nagging you, teasing you, and doing bad things to upset you.
But here is the secret. You must learn how to observe wrong and error without becoming resentful over what you see. You do not have to like the injustice. You don't even have to like another person. Just don't resent them.
Does this mean just clamming up and letting injustice prevail? No, of course not. The secret is to see the injustice, not become upset or resentful, and then, if appropriate, speak up about it.
What makes most of us into wimps is our resentment, for which we feel angry, and our upset. We feel guilty and we fear another round of upset, so we say nothing.
Learn the secret of not becoming resentful in the first place.
I can help. I've written 10 books on the topic of conquering stress and overcoming negative emotions. Start by checking out my meditation, which is designed to help you calm down.
Listen to some of my radio programs, free, where I talk about anger management all the time.
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Advanced concepts
If you are ready to drop pride and be sorry for your excuses and judgments, and if you are ready to admit your wrong, then suddenly the proper meditation will work for you. You will be given the power to stand back and observe what is wrong with you without being involved in it. The power of observation is sufficient to begin a change for the better.
You will discover that you have the power to observe the wrong without becoming upset by what you see. And with no more emotion added, reason and patience come to the fore. You will have the power to observe and to get better without any effort on your part. It will be a gift to you for being patient with others. And when you are patient with others, you will also be able to be patient with yourself.
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Once you reconnect to conscience and intuition, and once you are repented and experience a profound regret, you become a friend of truth, a friend of conscience, and a friend of God.
Suddenly conscience becomes intuition again--a welcome friend and presence we wish to walk with--not something to run from and avoid.
And when you are a friend of conscience and humbled, suddenly you no longer become tense in the first place or angry in the first place. Without the build up of tension, there is no need for unnatural relief. Suddenly you enjoy seeing the truth instead of wanting to run from it. And you become incompatible with the old consciousness lowering activities.
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Read more about anger and regaining control using meditation
