I'm Angry All the Time

Hello, I am a counselor, coach, and author of 18 books on coping with stress. This article contains important concepts. Here is a summary.

Many people are out of control emotionally. This loss of self sovereignty results in anger and a sense of loss of dignity. Usually their life is also out of control, which then is made worse when a host of outside forces and events begin to be dominate them, increasing the sense of being controlled or out of control.

Then to make matters worse, most people become resentful toward others who caused their issues or failed to help them, and this resentment destabilizes them and renders them exquisitely sensitive to those very pressures.

Resentment and the traumas to which we have over-reacted cause us to lose the center--lose touch with our center of dignity and innocence, and fall away from our Creator (to Whom we were once close when very little children). Thus I see that learning to let go of resentment is an important component in repairing one's life and restoring emotional balance and control.

A complementary mindfulness meditation has been found by some people to be helpful in facilitating the restoration of balance, control and a sense of dignity. It helps them calm down without feeling numbed, disconnected or dazed. Some also say that it seems to assist in them in re-finding their spiritual roots, and once a connection is re-established, there appears to be a power that comes into play that assists in holding back the pressures from overwhelming them.

Reason returns, calmness enters, and now reality becomes a friend. Real positive options can be explored, and now the door opens to a chain of good things happening, and the door closes to the negative thoughts, emotions and the negative behaviors they were once compelled to exhibit. Click here to read more about meditation.

Read the whole article below

Let's face it: 99.9% of us get angry too easily. We mask our anger with a smile, or perhaps we repress it and walk away. But we are angry. In fact, suppressed rage is one of the biggest emotional factors contributing to health issues. In fact, when we are irritable, we are experienced low grade anger.

Another thing we do is find a euphemism to describe our anger: we say we are "upset, nervous, tired, or disappointed." In marriage, years of suppressed anger can result in someone "suddenly" saying: "I need to find myself or I've changed. " What they really mean is I'm resentful. In other words, sadly, "I'm harboring secret hatred and judgment toward you." Read about stress in marriage

Now let's get to the bottom line: if you have a problem with alcohol, drugs, food, or any other addiction, most likely it is a direct result of anger. How so?

When we are angry, we need something to distract us from the guilt and soothe our hurting and frustrated ego. We need something to take away the pent up hostility and drain us of tension.

Some people work off their hostility (which has its own problems). Many turn to booze, drugs, marijuana, or food. You see, when we become angry and full of rage, we become an animal. The beautiful human qualities of graciousness, kindness, reasonableness, and magnanimity go out the window.

Some of us are even more sneaky about our anger. We are secretly judgmental and resentful at others (especially our husband or wife). Sometimes we are even clever at making the other wrong and then hating the other with a superior hate. It's easy to upset your husband with little teases, nagging, insinuation, or confusion. He eventually becomes angry and then you can secretly hate him, judging his anger and failing.

It's easy to be cruel to our children, blaming and dumping on them until they become angry and express their anger. Being without the advanced manipulative skill that the adult has, the child is foolish and clumsy in expressing his anger. This permits the parent to up the ante and punish the child. 

But anger, impatience, secret hostility and judgment bring condemnation from conscience. And conflict with conscience brings pain and a need for comfort. Again, the person turns for comfort to food , drugs, alcohol or anything else that will "save" them from conscience.

I am trying to make you aware that anger is the result of resentment and judgment. While it is true that your spouse or coworkers may be imperfect, even irritating, if you really had love, you would not resent them. The truly human person has patience. This patience comes from not having judged in the first place.

Someone once said that when we are wronged we cry out for judgment. But when we wrong another, we cry out for mercy. As long as you are angry or resentful, you won't even see your own rudeness and inconsideration toward others. You are too busy judging others to see your own fault.

Recovery from food, drug, or other addictions means seeing, really seeing why you needed the false comfort of drugs or the misuse of food in the first place. If you were not angry and upset in the first place, you would not need comfort and tension relief in the second place.

.And if you did not form secret judgments in the first place, you would not become angry in the second place. If you were not playing God, and easily frustrated and angered when your will is not done, you would not become tense and needy of lowly comforts.

The problem now is undoubtedly that your wrong self craves and cries out for the false comfort and false deliverance of lowly things we have mentioned. You have fallen to become a creature that now craves the drugs and false comforts.

Change begins not with struggling with your lower nature and its lowly needs, but being able to stand back so that you can be objective to the lower self. By now you know that struggling with your own lower self, using anger, is just more of the wrong way of dealing with things that got you in trouble in the first place.

But I'm not telling you anything that you didn't already know.

You know that anger and secret hostility, even suppressed rage, are the cause of your needing alcohol, drugs or some other comfort. But then your comfort becomes a problem!

The question is what to do about your anger. That's where I can help. I know that behind the anger is resentment. And also just being too upset.

Resentment is the number one cause of anger. And once you become resentful over something, then negative emotions follow. Soon, through conditioning, you become upset and easily upset all the time. Ulcer or headache anyone?

Like I said--usually there is a good reason to become resentful in the first place, and angry. It is injustice. Beginning when you are a little kids, there are people pressuring you, nagging you, teasing you, and doing bad things to upset you.

But here is the secret. You must learn how to observe wrong and error without becoming resentful over what you see. You do not have to like the injustice. You don't even have to like another person. Just don't resent them.

Does this mean just clamming up and letting injustice prevail? No, of course not. The secret is to see the injustice, not become upset or resentful, and then, if appropriate, speak up about it.

What makes most of us into wimps is our resentment, for which we feel angry, and our upset. We feel guilty and we fear another round of upset, so we say nothing.

Learn the secret of not becoming resentful in the first place.

I can help. I've written 16 books on the topic of conquering stress and overcoming negative emotions. Start by checking out my meditation, which is designed to help you calm down.

Are you stressed out? Have you noticed that when you are resentful, you become more sensitive to life’s little issues? When you are stressed at work, do you come home and easily lose patience with your kids? Do you get angry at slow traffic or slow grocery lines? Would terms like “exasperated, nervous, irritated, or impatient” describe you?

If so, you are probably over-reacting. And the worst reaction of all is that of resentment. It sets you up for becoming increasingly sensitive to what you might otherwise take in stride.

I know, times are tough. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said: “If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.” There are indeed outrageous things happening. There are things to be concerned about.

The problem is that most of us do not know how to pay attention without becoming upset by what we see. So we shut down.

But our most upset issues are with daily small irritations. You've probably heard the expression "Don't sweat the small stuff." We know this is true, but the problem is we don't know how to not sweat the small stuff. This is because we have literally conditioned ourselves to become irritated. And when the next little thing occurs, our body reacts.

A small irritant to which we have reacted can literally build to the point that we're ready to have an emotional meltdown over it. Moreover, we react and suppress our emotions all day long, so there is an accumulation of upset and tension leading us to explode in anger at a loved one or reach for the bottle.

Here is the key.

The secret to regaining self control has to do with the timeless moment just before we react.

It is in the moment that we have the freedom to make a choice between going with the resentment and all that follows, or to remain patient. Once we go ahead and resent or choose to indulge the judgment, then there is a due process that occurs, and the bodily stress responses take place, one after another.

Here at the Center For Common Sense Counseling we help people learn to be aware without being upset. We all know that we need to calm down and be reasonable, but as soon as we react, we forget and lose control. It happens so fast. That is why our stillness meditation (which is free to listen to and download) is helpful.

In a nutshell, it shows you how to be still, and then carry a calm awareness out into your daily activities. Pre-armed with patience, you won't get caught unawares. And when the previously upsetting situation comes along, you can observe it instead of getting caught up in it.

When you are aware, you will have understanding. And when you are not upset in the first place, you won’t become upset and irritable in the second place. You will be patient with your loved ones.

Learn the secret of self control without painful repression and you will have it made in the shade.

"Hi everyone, this is Roland Need help with stress? Anxiety? Worry? I just made a new Easy Meditation. It is quick and easy to learn. It is for busy people and it is also good for beginners. The best part is that it is free. And there is a free mobile app too!

Click here to try it free today.



Popular Posts